The Rest Of My Life
by ActualTwilight
Summary: James and Lily get in a fight and James jumps off the tower roof. Then Lily drowns herself. Who will survive, and how will it end? Based on the song The Rest of My LifeLess Than Jake 5shot bit of LxJ
1. It Gonna Kill Me The Rest of My Life

_Okay...another Lily and James fanfic. Based on the song 'The Rest Of My Life" by Less Than Jake_

* * *

I looked at the darkness that swirled down below me, the shadows hiding what lay below. As the tears that ran freely down my face mingled with the rain another sob racked my body, a loose rock that lay on the abandoned tower roof digging deeper into my bare foot. 

"_How could you? I HATE YOU! I can't believe you would do that? So it was all a lie, all those years? Just, go jump off a tower or something!"_

I took a step closer to the edge, the nothingness looking very inviting at the moment. I knew the pain that would come when I hit the ground, but then it would be over. The pain would be momentary, then I would never feel it again…

She had been my life support, and now it was going to shut down for the final time. At least I had apologized. Or I had tried to…a bolt of pain shot through me, and I winced.

"_What do you want Potter?" She screamed._

"_Since you are never going to forgive me, just thought I'd still apologize while I'm still alive." I told her, then headed to the other common room. I stepped through the portrait hole and found who I was looking for sitting by the fireplace. _

"_Hey. Just thought I'd say goodbye. Thanks for everything Sirius." I told him, hugging him in a brotherly fashion. He had just stood there confused as I climbed out of the portrait hole and jogged up towards the tower._

A flash of lightning filled the sky, and the thunder that followed shook the roof. I was doing what was just, if I didn't it would kill me for the rest of my life. I was tired of all the second tries I had taken, I just wanted the pain to end already! I took a deep breath and jumped, ignoring the yell behind me.

* * *

"OY EVANS!" I burst into the heads dorm, and Lily looked up at me shocked. I ignored the tear streaks on her face as I approached her.

"What do you want?" She snarled, eyes flashing, masking the pain that had been there moments before.

"Do you know where James is?" I barked.

"No, why would I know that?"

"Then when was the last time you saw him, and what did he say?"

"I dunno, an hour or so ago. He said 'Since you are never going to forgive me, just thought I'd apologize while I'm still alive.' And then he left." She said without emotion. A shock ran through me, I felt like I'd just been stupefied.

"No, no he wouldn't." I whispered, horror struck. "I heard you two got in a fight. What was the last thing you said to him?"

"That I hated him and that he should go jump off a tower or something. But what does that have to do with anything?" She sighed. "And why am I telling you this?"

"HOW COULD YOU?!?" I yelled at her. "Don't you understand, he's going to go jump off a tower now! He came up to me half an hour ago telling me goodbye! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!" I ran out the door, ignoring as her eyes grew wide and she crumpled to the floor.

I sprinted through the corridors and up the stairs of the tower, summoning my broom over my shoulder as I continued to run. As my broom flew up I jumped on and zoomed up the remaining steps, bursting out into the storm just as a bolt of lightning illuminated the sky, and I saw a figure standing on the edge of the roof, and then they jumped.

"JAMES!"

* * *

_A/n;  
For those of you who haven't gotten it yet, the second POV is Sirius'. Just FYI_


	2. Hate Me

I would never forgive myself for what I had done, for what I had caused. I wiped the tears off my cheeks as I stopped outside of the hospital wing. I heard them talking, and my heart broke in two at their harsh words.

"Why did you jump?" I heard Remus ask.

"Because there wasn't anything worth living for anymore. Lily hated me, and I at least had the satisfaction of knowing that I was dying in fulfilling her wish." James said, and a sob escaped me as I sunk to the floor. "It's not like she would care if I lived or not. Now I don't care about her anymore, she can live or die and life will go on." I felt like a sword had been plunged into my heart and someone was twisting it just to watch me writhe in pain.

"I can't believe that she said that! That little heartless, stupid, little-" Sirius started, and I half expected Remus to stop him, but he just kept throwing insults at me. "You should never forgive that Mudblood, ever. And never speak to her either." I wiped the tears away again and stepped in.

"Well then lucky that you never will have another chance to." I said as all three heads turned towards me. Sirius glared and me and opened his mouth to say something. "Just let me finish. It's the last time you'll have to listen to me open my foul mouth again. This is the mess I made, and I know that I can't erase the words that I had said, and nothing can. It will kill me for the rest of my life, and I'm sorry for what I did. It's time to face my past mistakes, and if I don't it's going to kill me for the rest of my life. So I'll just go get it over with now. I'm so sorry, and I know that you won't forgive me, and shouldn't." They were staring at me, and I turned to leave, tears poring down my face. "Oh, and just in case you were wondering, I'm making sure that I don't make get lucky and survive like you did. I'm making sure that there is nothing to break my fall when I jump. And if that doesn't work, if I don't hit my head on the rocks as I fall, I'll just end up drowning. No one is going to miss another Mudblood now are they?" I said before turning and running towards the entrance hall.

I ran out into the twilight, moving blindly towards the cliff wall that jutted up over the lake, and started to climb. The sharp rocks cut my palms, and I climbed for what seemed like hours until I was high enough, and clambered up onto a small ledge. As the rain started to fall again, I looked up at the sky, letting the rain blind me.

This was by far my all time low, I had forced someone to try to kill themselves. I had caused far too much pain in my life to deserve to live any longer.

_One life for another almost taken. _I thought bitterly, looking back at the castle on last time.

"I'm sorry James." I whispered to the wind. "I love you." And I let myself tip forward and fall through the rain, and it felt like an eternity before I hit the water painfully, and when I regained movement my first reaction was to fight, and I kicked, forcing myself above the water. I looked at the never ending water, and then I stopped fighting. As the water covered my head I inhaled sharply and my lungs filled with water…then it all went black. It was finally over.

* * *

_A/n;  
Yes, I can kill off Lily if I want too_


	3. Drowning

As I ran out of the castle I saw a lone figure on the cliffs, then it jumped. My heart raced as I ran faster, and when I came to the edge of the lake they hit the water. I froze, and then she broke the surface, and for a second I thought everything would be okay. Then she stopped fighting, and she disappeared below the surface, gone from sight.

At first I just stood there, frozen to the ground. One part of me told me to turn around and go back up to the castle, to just leave her to die. She was the reason that I had been unhappy.

_ But without her you'll just be unhappy again, even more so than before. _I thought.

My heart told me to go after her, to jump in and save her. Why? I asked myself.

_Because you love her. _My heart told me, and I knew I would regret it for the rest of my life if she died. I jumped in after her, searching, finally finding her, limp, pale, and lifeless sinking to the bottom.

_No! _I dove down, refusing to let her die, banishing that possibility. I got to her quickly, then dragged her back to the surface. I laid her down on the ground, and moved the hair out of her face. She wasn't breathing. I checked her pulse, which stuttered then died. Her heart had stopped.

* * *

I paced back and forth in the hospital wing, wondering how long it could take to get that measly map. The doors burst open and I whirled around, about to say 'Finally!' but was stopped short by the sight that was before me.

James had burst in, sopping wet, hair plastered to his forehead, with a limp Lily in his arms, who was growing paler and paler by the second.

"Where is Madam Pomfrey?" He asked, his voice high with panic. She burst in, looking rather annoyed.

"What's all the fuss I'm sure it can wait for-" She stopped dead at the sight of James and Lily.

"She's not breathing and her heart stopped! Please help her!" He begged, and I had a feeling that water wasn't the only thing that was running down his face. Everything else happened in a rush, and I ended up being chucked out of the hospital wing along with James, who had been ordered to change into dry clothes.

He didn't though. He just sat, back pressed against the wall, his head in his hands. I stayed with him, not moving an inch.

"That's what she meant. She was going to go kill herself; she was going to drown herself." He lifted his head, and I saw his face stained with tears. "I saw her Sirius, and she didn't fight. She did for a second, then gave up. She just sank, she didn't care anymore. _I saw her jump, and then I watched her drown._" He whispered painfully. "How horrible of a person am I? The last thing she heard me say was that I didn't care if she lived or not." He started to cry harder.

"Everything's going to be fine James." At least I hoped it was going to be…


	4. Surviving

_A/n: This is the first ending...there is an alternate one too...in the next chapter. So if you like this one, no need to read the next one. If you don't like this one, then read the other. _

* * *

_ Images and feelings flashed through my head, most of them broken and torn. I wasn't sure if this was death, was it always this painful? Was it going to pass? As another wave of pain crashed down on me I was also bombarded by images; when I got my letter to Hogwarts; the look on Petunia's face when she found out; the way she had yelled at me. Then it skipped back to the nearer past. An image of the horrid letter I had gotten, the part where it said that my parents had been murdered by Voldemort; when I saw James with that girl; the fight that we had; the way Sirius had yelled at me; the last thing I heard James say was that he didn't care whether I lived or I died; my speech that I had made to them; the jump; the cold water rushing around me; the pain of the water filling my lungs; my heart stopping…and James. Always James. I had never been able to tell him that I loved him. I loved him so much. As red swamped my senses, I heard something as from a distance or in a dream._

"_I'm so sorry….I never meant…..I'm sorry…..I love you Lily, please don't leave….please." _

_ Someone cared for me? Still? How was that even possible? _

_ Another wave of pain came to me, and then I knew, somehow I knew, that this was my choice. My choice to live or die. I could die and see my parents again…or I could be loved. I chose the latter, and I fought as I felt like I was being sucked into a long black never-ending vortex. I fought harder, and finally made it out, out into the harsh light of life._

I coughed and sputtered, spitting the water that clogged my lungs out. I couldn't see a thing, just a bright white light that was everywhere. I vaguely felt someone whack my back, helping me get rid of the water. As soon as it was gone I collapsed on the bed, head and throat throbbing. But I was alive.

I heard a chocking sound from beside me somewhere, and I shifted my body in the direction. I recognized the sound as sobbing. Was someone that unhappy to see me alive again? I slowly opened my eyes again, wincing at the bright white light that blinded me. I blinked, and after a few minutes I could see again, just barely, but I could see.

I looked towards the sobbing sound, and saw someone with black, messy hair sitting on a chair next to the bed, his face in his hands, crying softly. Why was he crying? I opened my mouth to ask, but nothing came out. I lay there, gaping like a fish on land, then ended up just glaring off into space. I finally thought I could speak, so I tried again.

"Why are you crying?" I asked softly. His head shot up, tears still running down his face.

"Oh-Merlin-" James chocked, then flung himself at me. "Oh Lily thank Merlin you're alive! I'm so sorry for what I said, I'm sorry!" He cried into my shoulder.

"You're sorry?" I gasped. "Aren't I supposed to be the one who is apologizing? I-" I stopped, the words catching in my throat. "I made you try and commit suicide!" I cried, grabbing one of the many pillows and clutching it to my stomach. "How could you ever forgive me for that?"

"Because you jumped because of me, and I couldn't stand living without you." He whispered, and I gasped, flinging my arms around him as I cried harder.

"You were the one!" I sobbed, curling up against him. "You are the reason I'm still here! You said you loved me." I gasped, clinging to him like a lifeline.

"You heard me?" He asked, still crying. I nodded.

"I love you." I whispered, and I knew then all was going to be well as we lay in that hospital bed crying out eyes out.


	5. Alternate Ending Killed Me

**Alternate Ending**

Sirius had been dragged off by a teacher after a while, and I stayed outside the hospital wing, my back pressed against the hard, cold, uncomforting stone walls. I looked up at the ceiling, hoping everything would be alright.

One minute passed, then an hour, then Madam Pomfrey came out. I jumped up hopefully, and I knew it would be reflected in my eyes.

"I'm sorry James, I did everything I could." She said sadly, and I felt myself sink back against the wall, collapsing on a heap on the floor. It was my fault. Lily was dead now because I had come to late.

Harsh sobs wrecked my body as I sat there on the cold stone floor crying as I had never cried before. There was a sharp pain in my chest, and I then knew that my heart had died along with hers.


End file.
